teething

up until this point in her 17 months on this earth, carrie has only cut 8 teeth. so naturally, on the eve before butch leaves for a week she has decided to cut....the rest of them. (i swear, like all of them.) the past three nights she has been up in the middle of the the night and ended up in our bed. she is as miserable as cat piss and wants us to pay for her pain. plus, she also has had a virus which has given her an added high fever to boot. (the past couple of days have been a lot of fun.) friday night, i woke up to her screaming across the hall and after questioning (once again) my choice to procreate...i went and got her. shortly after, i must have fallen back to sleep and i woke up at some ungodly hour to this:  i was on my stomach and i quickly realized that she was comfortably laying on her stomach as well...on top of my BACK. her chubby little legs were straddled around my neck. if there would've been poop in her pants, i would've had a front row seat to the shit show. (literally.) i didn't want to wake her up, but what the hell was she doing? am i your mother or am i a goddamn jungle gym? she's at least 25 pounds and she was lounging on me like a lady of leisure. i carefully pulled her off of me...and she woke up. (dammit.) at that point all hell broke loose. i thought for sure her head was going to spin around like the girl from the exorcist and pea soup was going to come spewing out of her mouth. throughout this whole charade, butch was soundly sleeping next to me. (he didn't move, scratch his ass, break wind...nothing.) luckily my motor skills were compromised due to lack of sleep, because a swift shot to the scrotum was definitely in order.

anyway, i do know that ella was also a late teether...but i really don't remember her acting like a mini hannibal lecter.  however, it might just be one of those parenting things that get conveniently erased from your brain. kinda like the pain involved in child birth, or the constant sleepless nights when they are a newborn, or the tyranny in the terrible twos. i don't think remember any of these things being that awful...but i know damn well when i was knee deep in these shitty phases, i wasn't a happy camper. things they don't tell you in the parenting books #287...when your one year old gets teeth, you will want to throw yourself off of the nearest overpass. i'm running on only a couple hours of sleep from the past couple of nights and spent my saturday morning at urgent care, just to make sure the fever wasn't due to an ear infection. (it wasn't.) my whole weekend has been spent taking care of a pint sized person that can't do anything to take care of herself. i went out with my brother (who was visiting) last night and felt like an animal let out of a cage. you know the scene in braveheart when he yells, "they may take our lives, but they will never take our FREEEEDOOOMMMM!"? that was me last night. (minus the armor.) however, i was so damn tired that my "freedom" didn't last that long. (it never does.) i tapped out after only an hour and let my husband enjoy his freedom for a while. when i heard squawks from across the hall around 2am, i seriously wanted to take a sword and sever my own head. instead, i snuggled my scorching hot, swollen mouthed, second born until she went back to sleep. i slipped in and out of slumber the rest of the night, and woke up feeling like a sack of shit.

i'm hoping that her chompers come through soon and her virus slips away. like the doctor said, it will just have to run it's course. i die a little inside when this is the diagnosis, because you never know how long the course is going to be or how painful it's path will make you. no worries though, when it finally runs it's course through carrie...she will graciously pass the baton to ella who will probably start with a fever mid week. butch is heading to the mountains of western maryland tomorrow on a week long field trip with his middle school students. (perfect timing.) in my mind, these trips have to be like a vacation to him...but he tries to convince me otherwise. i know damn well what goes on in our house on a daily basis, pal. heading out to the woods with a bunch of kids that are capable of wiping their own asses and have all their teeth intact? piece of cake. i'm just wondering what other tricks my one year old will have up her onesie sleeve. i'm sure ella will throw some other nonsense into the mix as well. children are born monkey wrenches and they love to shake up the show. the hard part sometimes is finding balance. although i felt like a walking asshole this afternoon, i laced up my sneakers, mustered up the last ounce of energy (and sanity) i had left...and went for a run. i've come to realize exercise is crucial to my mental well being. (bacon and booze help, too.) the week ahead seems daunting, but knowing other parents are going through the same things is comforting. (misery loves company.) i snapped the included picture today during carrie's most recent crying jag. at the end of the day you need to find your sense of humor, otherwise you will be looking for the nearest sword... to sever your own head. so fellow parents, please also choose to laugh instead of decapitate yourself, because i believe it's better for everyone involved...especially for the needy little creatures we've created.