sword

so last night my husband nonchalantly leaned over while we were on the couch and said the following, "i just want you to know that i ordered a stone sharpener for my sword." nothing (literally nothing) surprises me anymore, but as i peered at him over my wine glass i had only one question. so i asked, "what, exactly, are you going to use the sharpened sword for?" without missing a beat he stated, "i'm going to go out in the backyard and throw fruits and vegetables and shit up in the air and cut them in half." (what?) at this point i couldn't hold back and bust out laughing. by no means did i want to encourage this behavior...but what in the actual hell. i squawked, "are you trying to tell me quarantine has turned you into BRUCE LEE?! what are you even talking about?!" he nearly spat out his beer and started laughing as well. you are probably wondering why he would even have a 'sword' in the first place, so i'm gonna tell you the backstory.

i actually totally forgot about the sword...until last friday night on a virtual happy hour with high school friends. after three hours of nonsense with these people (and many beverages), the sword made a reappearance, following many years of isolation on the (very high) top shelf of our downstairs bathroom closet. he was waving it dangerously close to my limbs, nose, face, and ears...and no one needs to go to the emergency room right now. (which is what i tell my children on the regular when they are running around out house like crazed weasels.) i told him to put it down, but he stated, which is the same thing he stated years ago (BC-before children) when he brought it home. he said (and i quote), "DON'T WORRY...it's not BATTLE READY." (battle ready.) listen buddy, you just had about 12 beers and battle ready or not, a sword...is a sword. i mean, sure, it may not take off a limb...but it's gonna leave a flesh wound of some sort. put down the damn sword.

the actual sword.

rewind twelve years ago, in our first year of marriage, we bought our first house (this comes into play later)...he also bought this sword. it all came about when a group his friends went to a renaissance festival together in pennsylvania, and he came back to maryland with this weapon. let me state whenever this group of guys is together they act as if they are legitimate animals. animals let out of the zoo and into the world (renaissance fair) with no rules. anyway, he saunters in the door on sunday, bewildered after a wild weekend...with this sword swinging around. at that time, i would get more wound about this stuff. (now i don't even bat an eyeball.) i said, "WHAT IS THAT." (not a question, a statement.) i probably added some expletives in there as well, for good measure. he stated (same as last friday), "DON'T WORRY...it's not BATTLE READY." (cause that makes it better.) back then we weren't in the financial situation we are now, but for some reason i didn't ask in that moment how much it was.

lo and behold, a couple days later i get a call from the bank. they let me know that our (VERY FIRST) mortgage payment...had bounced. i was talking to the teller and said, "i'm not sure what happened, but can you tell me what recent purchases were made that might have caused it?" she clicked away at her keyboard, started chuckling on the other end...and then said, "well, it looks like there was a charge for $120...for a SWORD." it legitimately came up "sword" on the bank statement. i said, "oh...yes. i'm aware of the sword...i'm now going to go use it ON MY HUSBAND." she started belly laughing on the other end, said we wouldn't get an extra charge, and we hung up. i went into the room (with wild eyes) where bruce lee was sitting and said, "YOU BOUNCED OUR MORTGAGE PAYMENT WITH THAT SWORD!" he shrugged his shoulders and said something along the lines of, "you win some, you lose some." little did i know 12 years later that he would be ordering sharpening stones for the sword so he could pulverize produce in the backyard during a pandemic. well, that, my friends...is one for the books.

superpower

so last night my first born was face timing with five of her friends...and i will mention this is the first time she has been on a group chat on the phone ever. it's something i didn't envision for another few years with her, but it is very weird all the same. i mean, everything is weird right now...so just add this little anomaly into the mix. let me set the stage...i was in the bedroom with a laptop doing some work and my husband was in the shower. i hear the shower stop and door swing open. then, i loudly hear my first born say from the hallway, "ALRIGHT GIRLS...LET ME GIVE YOU A TOUR OF THE HOUSE!!!" we live in close quarters, so she was only a few steps away from every room upstairs. before i could say one word, my husband came flying out of the bathroom like a bat out of hell...wearing only boxers. (thank god his man parts were away.) he must've heard her too, because he had a wild look on his face like he needed to hide. he looked like a legitimate cartoon character. still wet, hair askew on top of his head. to say i bust out laughing is an understatement. i was convulsing on the bed and literally couldn't breathe. my laptop nearly fell on the floor.

this all happened in a matter of seconds, but he grabbed the nearest shirt and then tried to "cover" himself with it. i somehow squeaked out, "DO NOT COME IN OUR BEDROOM WITH THAT PHONE!"...and then went back to laughing. he was in a full blown sweat and looking around like, 'what the hell just happened?!" why he didn't just yell what i yelled is beyond me, but his actions instead were far funnier. that all being said, the beginning of this week was HARD. it's only wednesday and i feel like i've been through a pandemic (oh...wait.).  we all had been annoyed with each other at different times the past couple of days and man, i needed that laugh. home schooling and schooling from home has been an interesting and draining dynamic.  (it's no joke.) trying to find a balance in our house the past couple of days has been kinda daunting, but we are making do. i'm sure by now many of you have come up with your own little 'routine' of how your day is supposed to go...at least i have. (it keeps me from not going nuts.) part of that is a couple hours in the afternoon i clean or organize something in our house. my husband does not like this and i will explain to you why.

i grew up with a very handy father...he literally built my childhood home from the ground up, even though he is not a builder by trade (but i guess he actually is?). anyway, as i go about cleaning and organizing each day i find certain projects that i pass on to my (not so handy) husband. last week i remodeled the bathroom and the metal piece on the floor near the supply tube was rusted, so i texted my dad and asked if it was an easy fix. he said yes. so, i sent my husband out to get the replacement parts and after many curse words and a threat of divorce...it was fixed. later that night after several beverages, he let the dog out the backdoor and it was "raining" from the second floor of our house. he went ballistic. fortunately, the nuts just weren't tightened enough, so after some elbow grease, more foul language and another talk about the legal dissolution of our marriage...it was not raining from the second floor anymore. my husband is a mild mannered man...it takes a lot to ruffle his feathers. however, quarantine has set him off a little bit. the plumbing gone wrong is just the tip of the iceberg. he recently ordered a chainsaw (yes.) off of amazon because our 'neighbor's bush is rubbing up against our house and he can't take it anymore' (an actual big bush...foliage if you will.)

anyway, the chainsaw arrived yesterday and he said as soon as he has a free moment he is going to 'hang out the second story window' and 'saw it down.' so in short, stay tuned for that moment...cause it's sure to be a doozy. rest assured, we have all had our crazy moments in this house. for example, my first born was in a google meet chat with her classmates for her teacher to answer questions they had about their work...when she simply closed the laptop after 16 minutes and said, 'i'm done with all of them.' (i lost it laughing.) my second born is already a little kooky, but has now decided to not wear pants (ever), and saunters around the house wearing oversized glasses half the time (she's still into scaring us, too).  i went out for a walk yesterday and after somehow getting lost (even though i jog in our neighborhood all the time) had to pull up the GPS on my phone to figure out how to get home after an hour and a half. as we settle into (using that loosely) this new way of life, everything is weird and sometimes hard. however, if we stop at least once to see the humor everyday...like a half naked grown man trying to 'hide' from a gaggle of 9 year old girls on face time, well it just makes it a little bit better. hang in there, people, and when in doubt...use your sense of humor as a superpower.

corona

so yesterday i came out of the bedroom and my second born was walking around buck naked...wearing reindeer antlers. she was sashaying around like santa's helper, paying no mind to social norms like it was the best day of her life. i didn't even bat an eye as i walked downstairs. my first born was eating her 62nd snack of the day and stared at me as i walked to the fridge to get my 22nd snack. weird shit is happening during this whole quarantine, in my house and in the world. we got word yesterday that we have at least 4 more weeks off of school...and i woke up this morning and had to try to remember what day it was (seriously). since my husband and i are teachers and my kids are both students...we are all home together at all times. now i will say this, thank jesus that i actually like these people, but we are currently playing a fun game called "who can make the most dishes, not put them in the dishwasher, nor empty said dishwasher." i am currently losing because i have done the dishes about 283 times in the past 2 weeks (give or take).

i will say, and was brought to my attention by my brother, that i'm pretty cut out for this whole lockdown business. maybe you are like me...i love doing puzzles and reading books. i love being outside in the backyard or taking long jogs around the neighborhood. i don't mind taking a break from the rat race of life and just breathing. i like an extra glass of wine, staying up late, sleeping in, and having a homemade breakfast with coffee in a mug every morning. i also have started about 29 projects in my house and i am currently hoping to be featured in Better Homes & Gardens: COVID Edition. during this scary and uncertain time, i'm choosing to try to stay positive. i miss teaching, my classroom, and my school kids terribly...but i am enjoying time with my own kids. am i homeschooling? hell no. my kids work on some basic academic skills for about an hour in the morning...and then we work on life skills. so far they've learned how to pitch a tent, prep and paint a room, climb a tree, and make my grandmother's chicken noodle soup. they have mastered many things...everything except loading and unloading the dishwasher.

to parents who are trying to juggle working from home and homeschooling your kids...relax (really). because of this virus, education is going to shift in many ways. actually, i think lots of things are going to shift in many ways. when we return back to school (whenever that is), teachers will figure it out. not to toot my own horn, but teachers are flexible, resilient...and always have your children's best interest at heart (toot, toot!). this year alone i had one child come in reading on a second grade level...and another that only knew 10 letters. this is education now (even pre-corona). these gaps will be filled and life will go on. (it always does.) for now, the best thing you can do is simply have your children read books or read to them. have them complete puzzles, build things out of cardboard boxes, paint, play board games...and even simply be bored. creativity lives in the boredom. in fact my second born said today, 'i'm bored.' and i replied with, 'good.' focus on whatever your district, county, or teachers recommend you complete...but don't dwell on it and make yourself nuts. it's not worth it.

education aside...in a time like this, it is easy to fall prey to anxiety. not having a normal daily routine can be difficult for a lot of people...especially kids. however, one of the shifts i've already seen...is people being more kind and more gentle with each other. checking in on family and friends via facetime or otherwise. reaching out and making an attempt to see that friends and family are 'okay.' i've enjoyed reconnecting with lots of people just this past week and if anything, relationships will grow stronger with people you care about because of this whole mess. finally, if you are feeling frustrated or bad about your life...i suggest you hop on over to netflix and watch tiger king. what in the weird white people business that is. every episode is more messed up than the last and it leaves you feeling like you actually have your life together (even if you don't). in closing, i hope every one of you that reads this is healthy and well. if you are still working, working from home, or working to keep your sanity...you are not alone. at the end of the day, if you need to saunter around naked wearing reindeer antlers and grab yourself another snack to feel better...it's okay. this too shall pass.

kick

so i do believe when simple board games lead to physical blows...it is time for your children to go the hell back to school. yesterday morning i went for a jog around the ole neighborhood and came home to two kids crying. my husband was upstairs seemingly oblivious to what was going on. however, in his defense, he is in tune by now to the different types of crying. such as (but not limited to)...true pain, hurt feelings, whining, attention seeking (he was clearly ignoring them, for good reason). so, i walked in the room and said, "what is going on." (it was more of a statement then a question, my urgency for these types of things has long set sail with the earning of my masters in motherhood.) my second born looked up through her tears and said, "well we were playing the game 'sorry!' and she (pointing at first born)...KICKED ME IN THE HIP!" first of all, who kicks other people in the hips? so i said out loud, "WHO KICKS OTHER PEOPLE IN THE HIP?! i mean...a swift kick to the shin, a punch to the nose, a poke in the eye even...but the hip?

my first born looked up through her (fake) tears and said, "i ACCIDENTALLY kicked her in the HIP because she READ MY CARD when it was MY TURN!" i took a breath and retorted, "i have never in my entire life ACCIDENTALLY kicked someone in the HIP! not even my own brother! how does that even happen?!" up until this point there were straight (sad) faces all around, and then ella burst out laughing like a hyena, her sister followed...then i couldn't get myself together. but seriously, back when i was writing about burp cloths and binkies, i didn't think i would have to mediate a fight over a game of sorry! and a kick to the hip. i looked at both of them after the laughter and said, "you two need to go back to school, or i'm going to lose it." the little one then yelled again, "BUT SHE KICKED ME IN THE HIP!" (i can't.) i walked away shaking my head and hoping their 2nd and 4th grade teachers are ready to return to school. i also hope these aforementioned teachers have a doctorate in making snacks...cause that's what i did most of the summer. furthermore, this morning my second born got nose to nose with me (while i was sleeping) and whispered "what are we doing today?" i almost kicked her in the hip. (instead, we went swimming.)

each summer i take in the good, bad, and the ugly when it comes to being home with my kids, and heading back to school is always bittersweet for all of us. i read an article (i think sent to me by my dad) stressing how we only have 18 summers with our children. i'm already 9 years deep with one kid and 7 years deep with the other. i don't know how that happened. when i was elbows deep in dirty diapers and sleepless nights, i didn't realize that easier times would be RIGHT around the corner. when people told me that exact thing when i had newborns, i honestly wanted to throat punch them. alas, it's true. my kids just returned from what i called "grandparentpalooza" last week with my in-laws and are getting ready for another week of fun with my parents next week. many of my friends, and my own brother, are just getting into the baby game while i'm enjoying more "free time" then i've had in years. (not gonna lie, it's kind of glorious.) i received a text message from my father last night to "send games" with the kids for next week. i replied, "board games?" he said yes. remember that time he bought my 3 year old a drum set for her birthday? well...in retribution, i'm sending "sorry!" fingers crossed for at least one hip kick.

bug

so i've said it before and i'll say it again, there is something very humbling about someone vomiting in your immediate presence, or having to clean up someone's said vomit. last night i was delightfully in dreamland when i was abruptly awoken by, "mommy...my tummy hurts..." at approximately 12:37am. i rolled over and said what every mom would say in that moment, which is, "did you try to use the bathroom?" my first born then shared, that she had, in fact, used the facilities...two times. i could hear the angst in  her voice, so i told her to go over in the guest room and i would be right over. as i climbed into bed with her, i could hear "the swallows" happening. you know...where you are fighting back the saliva that is eventually going to aid the vomit in flying out of your mouth? i moved a small bathroom trashcan next to the bed, as i thought i was no novice with this (as you will see, i was wrong). i gently rubbed her back and played with her hair, not sure if the swallows were going to transpire into anything special (praying they wouldn't). 

well, at 1:16am, my first born fled to the bathroom nearby. when i went to investigate, she stated that she "just had to use the bathroom again." i waited for her to return and as she laid back down, she immediately shot straight back up and went running back for the bathroom...SANS TRASHCAN. i then heard the splash and splatter of 1000 broken dreams as her puke hit the blue carpet in the hallway. i winced, not even wanting to go out there...but if not me, the dog might get there first and that might be even more gross (she'd happily eat it). my kid was standing there, mouth agape, hair all over her head like a feral child and i ran to her like some mother figure out of a national geographic magazine (everything akimbo). to my horror, her entire meal from the night before was laid out before me in that hallway. my first thought was, "does this child not CHEW?" her dinner delicacies included penne pasta (most still whole), taco meat (like i just pulled it out of the pan), corn chips (some full sized), and like half a burrito shell (no joke).

i don't necessarily have a weak stomach, but when i saw that it almost made me run for the hills. like, i legitimately thought about what life might be like without my kids and husband if i just fled to bermuda right then and there. instead, i escorted her to the bathroom, held back her hair like a sorority sister for a few more minutes...then went to wake my husband so that i could clean up the mess and he could take care of her in the meantime (mistake). he woke up startled and scared at the mention of the words "sick" and "puke," but he slowly made his way to the bathroom and i went downstairs to grab some cleaning supplies. after cleaning up the larger chunks, the rest was a disaster. i was up to my elbows in half eaten food as i dry heaved and hoped like hell it would come out of the carpet. plus, i didn't want to wake up the culprit's little sister in the process...as that would've been a whole other level of pain. i opted eventually to get out the steam cleaner, which is now currently outside on the porch, because i can't imagine what is inside of it at this moment (nor do i want to know).

throughout the night, my first born then upchucked no less than 16 more times...every 15 minutes on the hour. (it. was. awful.) i moved her to a sleeping bag in our bedroom, which was closer to the bathroom and also gave her a large bowl instead of a skimpy trashcan (rookie mistake). at about 4:37am and losing the will to survive, my husband rolled over and said, "i'm gonna be sick..." and ran to the bathroom. he took off work and i boldly believed i would make it work myself. i got up, got dressed, got the little sister up and moving...grabbed a bottle of water, took a swig, and realized that my fate was doomed. i ran to the bathroom and then realized no one would be leaving this house today. i don't know when this stomach bug is going to vacate the premises, but if the little one gets it...i'm seriously moving to bermuda. she is dramatic as the day is long and ain't nobody got time for that. hopefully your first couple of days in the new year is filled with fun things that don't involve bodily fluids like within our family. i mean, we don't even have the christmas decorations down and there is a steam cleaner full of puke on the porch...premonition that 2019 is gonna be the best year yet? prayers welcomed.

filling

so today i was folding laundry at early o'clock and my second born casually asked me, "so what are we doing today?" kids always want an itinerary when there isn't school, and they have amazing plans and social lives for people that don't have drivers licenses. also, how do they always wake up karate chopping the air and ready to take over the free world? (i need some of that.) anyway, i mentioned that we were going to gallivant to the gym and then head home to cook my grandmother's filling for thanksgiving tomorrow. they both yelped, "CAN I HELP!?" (oh, hell.) i had a choice in that moment...to say sure and let it happen, or to tell them no. i couldn't think of any good reasons to say no, so i let it happen. (sums up motherhood.) as we geared up with about four pounds of butter and five pounds of potatoes, ella looked at me and said, "so was this, like, her recipe that she made? did she make it up?" i said, "oh i don't know...i'm sure it was passed down from her mother." then she replied quietly, "if she was here would you ask her?" my grandmother was very influential in my life and passed away when ella was 1...so naturally i had a moment and had to pull myself together. that's really fun when you are peeling potatoes.

i then pulled out the recipe (even though i could do it blindfolded) and ella read the ingredients. meanwhile carrie dangled off of a chair wild eyed like a crazed weasel, taking in every word. i had already peeled the potatoes (and had an ugly cry during), so that was done. they then tried to help me cut up the potatoes. apparently cutting potatoes is hard for little people, so instead of someone losing a finger...i said i would finish. ella then said, "wait, so if you cut off your finger does one grow back!?" i said, "nope! you just lose a finger! sometimes they can sew it back on." she cringed and then said, "wow, octopuses are more awesome than us, they grow their tentacles back when they lose one!" (indeed.) so she read the next part where we had to cut up an onion and celery. i thought celery would be easy, and read them the riot act again about sharp knives and stuff. i had no less than 3 heart attacks and 4 strokes while they were working the knives. carrie was acting all willy nilly with it and i thought for sure her tiny digits were going to be part of the filling and our thanksgiving feast. ella got cocky at one point and started going faster, i had to remind her she was not, in fact, an octopus as we moved onto the next step.

as i recovered from v fib, the potatoes stopped boiling and we drained them. at this point, it was around lunchtime, and both kids then acted like if they didn't have a meal they would surely pass out directly in the potatoes. why whenever you are in the kitchen, they NEED something from said kitchen? (snacks, drinks, etc infinity) so we took a short intermission and i made lunch amongst the cooking mess. after they were revived by mac and cheese and nuggets, i let each have a bowl and mixer. carrie looked like i gave her the golden ticket in a wonka bar at the passing of this privilege. however, when she had the power of the mixer in her hand, she forgot to hold onto the bowl...and it almost flew on the floor. (again, my heart.) potatoes were also flying like fireworks in the air as she yelped, "i don't wanna do this anymore!!!" (cripes, kid!) i gently removed the mixer from her hand, turned it off...and then poured myself a cocktail. the only reason i hadn't sooner was because i thought one of them was going to lose phalanges and we would have to uber to the ER. (no bueno.) anyway, this last step was done and i poured the filling mixture into the baking dishes for tomorrow...as both kids ran off to take over the free world in another adventure.

at the end of all this, i came up with 234 reasons why a solid "no" would've been a valid answer to their "CAN I HELP!?"...heart palpitations and flying potatoes being two of them. however, at the end of the day going into v fib and flying vegetables are just part of motherhood. (for real.) did anyone tell me it was going to be like this? no, sir. i will say the chunks of celery are a little larger than i would've allowed had i been making this dish solo. plus, there might be some lumps in it due to little hands using the mixer...but honestly who cares. my kids got to make food for thanksgiving with me that has been in my family for years. it was the first time they asked to help, and saying yes seemed to be the only answer in that moment. to answer ella's question, i would have most definitely asked my grandmother personally if she made up the recipe or got it from her mother, had she been still been here on this earth. however, i already know she was still there with us...laughing whole heartedly as fingers almost got amputated and potatoes flew. (also, as i poured a cocktail.) now, through something as simple as a filling recipe, she will always be with my kids. for that, i am grateful.

birthdays

so there are certain things they don't outline in the proverbial parenting books, such as the joys and woes of...birthday parties. they failed to mention many, many other things, but this is a big one. if you have children, think about a lackadaisical sunday and what you filled your time with on that afternoon sans work prior to procreating. did you enjoy reading a book? perhaps an adult beverage? getting ready for the week ahead with a long and luxurious nap? prior to having kids, these were some of the magical things i was doing on a sunday afternoon. i used to refer to it as "sunday funday." if you don't currently have children, i suggest you suck all the fun out of sunday that it has to offer (every last drop). as a parent, today it was more like, "sunday why did i chose to procreate and then have these creatures wear roller skates day." sound like fun? i didn't think so.

let's throw in here that on this particular sunday, there was monsoon weather conditions outside. i swear that when we opened to the door to walk out into the free world, the flag pole bend in HALF in front of our eyes and barred our way off the porch (i can't make this up.) both kids screamed and ran back inside, as i shook my head. we went back in to regroup as the rain and winds mocked me from the other side of the door. if mother nature were any kind of mother at all she wouldn't have whipped up this mayhem as we were heading out to a birthday party that afternoon. she would've calmed things down and said, "this motherhood gig is hard enough, so i'll just give you short respite from the rain." anyways, we ran out to the car and water was flying SIDEWAYS, as they were wearing hoods and rainboots...i won't mention that one kid was wearing SNOW boots due to the fact that we couldn't find her rain variety.

anyway, we all dove in the car away from the water like we were the wicked witches of the west and we were all going to melt. if you are anything like me, i still hadn't gotten a gift or card, so two more stops were in order before we even sauntered into the birthday party like i had that stuff prepared all week. as we rolled up route 97, the rain was coming down and i proceeded to hydroplane on the highway. i yelled, "OOO!" as my offspring screamed from the backseat. then came the questions, "what was THAT mommy?!" "why did the car do that?!" "were we SURFING?" "WHAT HAPPENED!?" (holy balls ladies, calm down.) i explained what "hydroplaning" meant and satisfied with the answer...they proceeded to go right back to poking each other and kicking each other with their boots (one snow, one rain...respectively) in the backseat. 

as we arrived on the scene, i couldn't help but notice that this roller rink looked exactly like the skating rink i went to as a kid from the outside. then when we walked in, it's like we took a time machine right back to the 1980s. i swear even the lady collecting the tickets was wearing a guns n roses t-shirt and had magnificent teased bangs. also, the gum still stuck in the carpet was from 1986. i quickly realized that there was not one birthday party going on at this place, there were 4 (FOUR!) parties simultaneously happening at one time. i stood awkwardly when we walked in an stared around in circles...secretly hoping we had come to the wrong place and could head right back home down hydroplane lane. suddenly, i heard my name being yelled and saw the mom of the birthday girl waving violently at me. nope, i wasn't getting out of this one. not today.

shortly after arrival, both of my kids got skates and although i can't fully explain what they looked like when they finally strapped them on and stood up, but it was somewhere between a baby deer fresh out of the womb and a college kid coming home from a frat party on a friday night. they both had this wild look in their eyes, too, like i was somehow willing them to slide all over the place and i was at fault for their follies. shortly after one kid face planted, we found some walker type thing on wheels to help them out. i had to sign them out and the lady with the teased hair, pencil, and notebook warned me that i better bring back the right number walkers. i wondered what she thought i was going to do with them...like, steal them? what use would they be outside of this skating rink? i gave her a serious head nod and walked away (relax, susan, i won't steal it).

like i said before, there were four birthday parties going on at one time. so think about what i said about my own children being drunk deer...and then multiply that by at least 73 kids. there were limbs and tears flying EVERYWHERE. kids were crashing into each other, cinder block walls, benches...me. then there were those adults who thought they would go back to the 1980s in their hearts and minds and give it a go. a grown man ricocheted into the wall and wiped out right in front of me...it took everything in my being not to laugh in his (bruised) face, and i consider myself a nice person! my second born fell flat on her back like 3 times, and i had a mini stroke each time hoping she didn't hit her head or break a bone. my first born ditched the walker and was wildly trying to balance and be cool at the same time (EVERYTHING akimbo). adrenaline was at an all time high at this point.

had it not been for another mom friend amidst this misery, i may have left like 16 minutes into this nightmare. after happy birthday rang through the air, i would've returned those walkers (easy, susan) and ran out the door and back into the rain. she and i made eye contact when we first got there, and it was very apparent we were on the same wave length. we were somewhere between, "what are we doing here?" and "we want our kids to have fun!" i feel like the roller rink today was a metaphor for motherhood in a lot of ways...as i often ask questions like, "what am i doing here?" while tears and face plants happen around me. however, misery loves company and you end up commiserating with other moms who are skating the same rinks. when we got into the car, both kids exclaimed, "that was REALLY FUN!" so sunday funday might not mean what it used to, but at least someone was having a good time. that aside, i aged approximately fourteen years this afternoon. if that sounds like fun, then parenting might be for you.