perspective

ironically, the very first blog i ever wrote was about gorillas...and how a kid drew a picture of some that ended up looking like legitimate black man parts. (yes!) all this talk about this damn gorilla made me somehow remember that after several glasses of wine last night. another thing that happened earlier last night was as follows: my second born wasn't feeling great and asked me to climb into bed and lay with her until she fell asleep. usually i just rub her back and she drifts off to dream land, but this time she turned toward me and we were face to face. instinctively, i did something that i used to do to both of my kids when they were babies. when i was trying to lull them to sleep, i rocked them and would rub my thumb over their forehead and down their nose, kind of like in a repeat T pattern. as i started to do this to carrie, she was holding her blankie (which she calls her ginky) and sucking the same two fingers she has since birth. her eyes became heavy and as i laid there i suddenly became overly emotional. motherhood is such a kick in the uterus like that sometimes, because it catches you off guard. one minute i was just hoping (praying, even) she would (finally) go to sleep after a long line of bedtime shenanigans...and the next minute i was laying in her bed crying over a memory like a loon. (motherhood will make you bat shit crazy.)

anyways, after i had a moment (and she went to sleep) i went downstairs and poured myself a glass of wine from my (fancy) box. i clicked on the television...and also started scrolling through social media on my phone. you can't help but be slapped in the face by all this talk about this f'ing gorilla. so here's my take on the whole shebang...the first time i saw the video i was laying in a hotel bed, hungover as hell and willing my internal organs to work properly from fen's bachelorette festivities. (i wanted to die.) anyways, when i watched it...my stomach instantly hurt even worse and i was overwhelmed with fear for that child. (i almost puked.) then, i immediately thought about his mother and how SHE was feeling in that moment. if that was me...you bet your sweet ass i would've found a way to "wiggle" into the cage like my toddler. after i got in, i would be on that gorilla like white on rice. seriously man, i'd be floatin like a butterfly and stingin like a bee on his ass...beating the living shit out of him. (legit muhummad ali.) would i strangle that beast to death before i saw him hurt my child? yes. do i think they made the right call in killing it? yes. am i shocked that people are in an outright outrage about this gorilla being killed? not really. people are crazy. don't get me wrong...i love animals. however, i love children more. the mom made a mistake and the child didn't deserve to die because of it. end of story.

as a parent, i think your greatest fear is keeping your child safe. sometimes i can't even believe that i am actually responsible for two other little human beings. i mean, i have a hard time taking care of myself sometimes let alone these two dependent creatures. for the most part, i think i am doing an okay job, but most days i'm just happy they still have a pulse. i think my scariest parenthood moment was when carrie touched a hot iron and we had to go to the hospital because of it. i wasn't being neglectful...i just looked away for a minute. like that mom at the zoo did. as i laid in bed with her last night, with ella asleep nearby...i was thinking about that. i am thankful every single day for my children, no matter how bat shit crazy they make me. however, last weekend (without saying) i wanted (and needed) a break from reality when i headed off into the ocean city sunset with fen. maybe that mom just needed a minute to herself last weekend as well, when she instead ventured to the zoo with 4 kids. who knows what her story was and really...who cares? who are we to judge a woman we know nothing about. she made probably one of the worst mistakes of her life and an oversized monkey died. motherhood is hard enough, add that into the mix and sweet baby jesus i'd be running for the hills. the story could've ended a hundred different ways. however, anything that would make a me go ape shit (no pun intended) on a 400 pound gorilla without fear is pretty powerful in my book. perspective, people...please let's move on.

my own monkeys.