mother

my four year old's teacher asked her why she loves me and these were her responses. i'm pretty sure that the fact that she loves me because i cook her chicken nuggets puts me into the running for mother of the year. (don't you think?) i do similar activities with my students and i am always blown away by the simplicity and purity of their responses. wanna know the number one response in my class to the prompt, "my mom rocks because...?" it was (drum roll please..) my mom rocks because...she knows how to tie shoes. (yes!) so if you have a bun in the oven, you better brush up on your shoe tying skills. the kids in my class deemed this a very important quality for a mother to have. (who knew?) at this stage in the game of motherhood, i've earned a doctorate in dirty diapers and i am currently working on my masters in toddler negotiation. i have an actual college degree, but had a legitimate argument with an unnamed two year old the other night about why she had to brush more than one tooth. that's right folks, she was trying to convince me that she only had to brush ONE. (one tooth!) the next night she tried for TWO teeth. after biting my lip and realizing this was a real conversation i was having, i said, "if you don't brush all of them, they will all fall out." (lies.)  she looked right at me and said, "oh no! otay!" (toddler negotiations 101.)

parenting schools you in the things you never signed up for, by making you participate in the weirdest pseudo classes possible. for example, i was folding laundry on the bed one night last week, while the kids played in the tub. i heard ella yell, "noooo, carrie! those are my bubbles!" carrie yelled back, "mine!" shortly after this ella yelled, "moooommmeeee, carrie is stealing MY bubbles!" (to be clear, they were talking about actual bubbles and not the container of bubbles.) i was standing there thinking, holy balls...are they serious right now? they are fighting over BUBBLES in the tub!? i'm sorry, but no one ever told me i would have to break up a fight over bubbles...that was never included in the manual. i sighed and went in there, looked at them all soaped up and said, "are you SERIOUS!?" they both shook their head yes. (i lose.) i can't even recall how i dissipated the argument, but i'm sure they could tell from my tone that i was in no mood to be a referee in regard to bubbles. several times a day i think, "am i screwing my kids up in some way? like, am i doing this wrong at times?" i know my kids love me, but will they end up turning into serial killers? (i just don't know.)

this past week i was balls deep in graduate work and asked butch if he could take both kids to ella's soccer game last wednesday, so that i could get some work done. the thought totally crossed my mind that if i missed her game, it would trigger serial killer tendencies...but i had so much to get done, and so little time. (story of my life.) so anyway, when they left i got crackalackin on writing a paper and research...when i really just wanted to take a nap. i don't know what drug i was on when i signed up for the "accelerated" grad program, but i'm an idiot. what made me think i could do 6 credits with a full time job and a family? basically, i've been losing my mind. (but whatever, that was really lost about 5 years ago when i gave birth.) anyway, long story long...i got a text from butch about 15 minutes later that said, "oh my god! carrie is crapping her pants!" (i knew he didn't take a diaper.) i didn't respond, but when he came back an hour later...he looked like he just served in the gulf war. his hair was all over his head, his face chalk white, his pupils wide and i said, "what the hell happened!?" he said, "well that was a was NOT FUN! carrie crapped herself, she stinks so bad and then in the middle of the game ella ran off the field holding her crotch and i had to run (runnnn!) to the porta potty and all three of us had to fit in there so that she could go, carrie was touching everything and it was disgusting....! i'll tell you one thing, it's gonna be an early night for this GUY!" i couldn't stop laughing. mom's are born to deal with this nonsense, where it sometimes severely overwhelms men. the whole charade played out in my mind and i lost it. (sorry man!) moms rule, dads drool.

one of the kiddos in my class finished these prompts about her own mother, so i guess when you are five...things really are rainbows and unicorns. i killed the mother's day activity game this year in my class, we did about 234 projects having to do with moms. i loved listening to the kids talk about their moms when they were working. this being said, i have a message for all moms out there: no matter how much you think you are doing things wrong, you are probably doing it right. for me, doing it right means doing what is right for me and my kids. it's easy to judge other moms and question what they are doing for their children, but the kid game is no joke and if you find yourself worrying about what other people think...everyone loses. some people probably think i am somewhat selfish for running and drinking wine. i know this, and guess what? i don't care. if i didn't partake in running and wine, i would be a worse off mother. (trust me on this one.) sometimes, they keep me sane. so i guess what i am saying is...do what works for you and don't have regrets in regard to your kids and you. remember that your kids are most likely seeing rainbows and unicorns, even if you are mentally weathering a storm in the midst of motherhood. basically if you know how to make chicken nuggets, tie shoes, and convince a child to brush more than one tooth...you will make a kick ass mother. rock on moms of the world...today i raise my glass to you. while i'm at it, i'll also raise it to myself...because somehow, i'm surviving the hardest job i've ever had to do.

mother's day 2015