even though i had an epic time with old friends, i came back to a house that was neglected all weekend. i didn't clean, didn't do laundry, didn't grocery shop, didn't get the stuff ready for the sitter for the week. didn't do stuff i normally have to get done. so there i sat on sunday evening hating everything...and then it started to snow. sweet mother of god i've never been so happy to see precipitation. needless to say, the snow gave me another day...and then butch and i decided to go downtown for st. patrick's day, to ultimately delay the inevitable. (the adult stuff mentioned above that needed to get done.) when i went back to work on tuesday, i almost asked ella to borrow this outfit to wear:
i felt like i needed protection from the real world. (swimming apparatus and a coke box helmet would do just fine.) i don't know about you all, but the older i get the harder it is to recover after a wild weekend of whooping it up. i'm talking days to recover. i'm talking i may feel like a normal human by thursday. gone are the days of being 21 and rolling out of bed all ready to do it again. (and again.) i guess it also didn't help that carrie decided to keep us up all monday night for no apparent reason as well. i asked butch in bed at one point (when she was kicking him in the nuts and elbowing me in my left breast), "why."...he just said, "i think she hates us." (maybe he's right?) in her one year old brain maybe she was plotting this all along..."i will punish you for your pocono plunders, people! no sleep for you!" okay, so maybe she wasn't thinking that...but it's kinda funny to believe she did. i also must add that the above picture of ella was just taken on a random day. living with two little girls is like living on the set of a broadway musical. there are constant wardrobe changes, costumes, songs, dancing...and drama. (let's not forget about the drama.) carrie is also obsessed with shoes. she is always taking them off and on and switching them up...which is extra fun, because she lacks the motor skills to do it herself and she expects you to do it. (over and over again.)
so anyway, it's thursday and i'm still trying to locate my ass...legitimately confusing it with my elbow, but i'm glad i almost (barely) made it through the week. last night butch had to work late and when this happens i always get a little bit giddy. i don't get giddy because he won't be at the house...i get giddy because i won't have to make dinner. i let ronald mcdonald take the wheel for the kid's meals when he isn't home and i have no shame in doing so. i mean, it happens like twice a month so i don't feel so bad about it. however, last night i said to ella (who was singing in the backseat), "what do you want from mcdonalds?" she stopped her song and yelped, "WHAT!? i don't want that STUFF!!" (huh?) i said, "huh?" she replied, "it is not good for you! i want good stuff!" umm...what? you are THREE...mcdonalds should be a friggen delicacy to you, kid! anyway, i was equal parts proud and pissed off about that one. what three year old doesn't want nuggets? apparently mine. (what the hell.) meanwhile, carrie was grunting and shaking her head vigorously at the thought of the clown's food. i bartered and got them each a cheeseburger and cut up some strawberries at home. as ella eyeballed me from the backseat i felt a bit bad, but then quickly got over it when i later changed her diaper for the 2345th time in her life. twice out of the month you will get a fast food cheeseburger in exchange for shitting your pants. (suck it up, sister.)
so piggy backing on the poop, the last thing i have to ramble on about is how this potty training shit is going in our house. last week sometime, i started a "sticker chart" as an incentive. i drew it up on a piece of paper (in true teacher style) and got some sesame street stickers from the dollar store. i sat ella down and told her that if she peed or pooped on the potty, she would earn a sticker for the chart. after she got 10 stickers...she would earn a trip to chuck e cheese. in my head, this sounded like an awesome plan. however, the kid is no dummy and was fast outta the gates. she peed three times the first day and i was seriously like, "what the dick was i thinking!?" i hate that place! why didn't i make it (a little) less attainable...or make the prize like a trip to to the dollar tree for a toy or something. (idiot.) however, with all the traveling business we had going on this weekend, she only went a couple more times on the potty and is now stalled at sticker number 7. i fully expect her to finish up 3 more poops or pees, just in time for the weekend. (chuck e cheese on a saturday! yes!...said no parent ever.)
the kicker is my youngest brother (who is 20 years old and still in college), just texted yesterday to say he is on spring break and wants to visit. this is the same brother that when i was younger, my other sibling and i told him that his real name was daisy. (his name is not daisy.) went went along with this for a while, until one day he got hysterical about it and cried that he hated that his name was daisy. (my parents ripped us a new one about this hoax, as we tormented him daily.) i'm tempted to throw him like fifty bucks and send him into chuck e cheese with my two kids...while my husband and i stroll down the street to the buffalo wild wings next door and grab a beer. this may be frowned upon by some people, but i think it's an excellent idea. (have fun, uncle daisy!) the way i see it, hanging out with two toddlers for an afternoon within the confines of an arcade that includes screaming kids, lotsa noise, and a creepy costumed mouse is and excellent deterrent for unprotected sex for a young college age lad such as him. (dontcha think?)
i'm just hoping that after this low key weekend i can start next week off on the right foot, mainly so i don't feel the need to wear little mermaid life saving devices and soda boxes on my head in order to survive. in theory, mini vacations away from your everyday monontony seem enticing and excellent...but in reality they will leave you scrambling to get your shit together and searching for your own ass the rest of the week. in closing, just to be clear...ten years ago at this time (just like my younger brother), i was celebrating spring break at the beach with beer in hand...this weekend i will be celebrating ten strategically placed poops and pees in the potty at my local children's arcade. it feels like i blinked and i went from college student to chuck e cheese faster than you can say conception. as stated many times before, i wouldn't want it any other way...except maybe minus that creepy costumed mouse. he's a day ruiner for any adult involved. even uncle daisy.
No comments:
Post a Comment