quotes

so a lot fun things happened in kindergarten in september...it's always the month where we are all getting to know one another. i've already posted a lot of the good ones, like the kid who told me her dad shits up the car and then locks the windows, and the 5 year old who said he wants to grow up to be a ninja warrior. (i wonder what that pays?) their energy and enthusiasm never ceases to amaze me...if i could bottle it, i'd be one very rich woman. here are a few other ones from this month:

"mrs. S...are you scared of werewolves and vampires?"
"yes...are you?"
"yes!! werewolves, vampires...and big dogs. all are REAL scary."
(indeed.)

"i have a wild cat at home...he's, like, real wild. my dad calls him yo-yo, but i don't think that's his real name."

"mrs. S, when there is a storm, my grandma told me the thunder is the devil and his wife fighting...but she also told me that is just a story, so not to tell anyone. but i'm telling you."
(if these people knew half the stuff these kids tell me...aye aye aye.) 

"sometimes when it rains, my dad lets me take my shirt off and run around outside! i like to jump in the puddles, too!!" 
(this dad sounds pretty awesome.)

we read the story the gingerbread man and the kids had to decorate their own gingerbread men on paper. it was playtime when i came across this gem:

i called the artist back to my desk and said, "hey, toots, can you explain your picture?" she said matter of factly, "well, i wanted to make a gingerbread girl...that's why she has long hair, and lips." (and boobs?) so i went on, pointing..."well what are those?" she said, "candies!! the old people decorated her with round candies." (thank god.) kids are great. 

there is a new kindergarten teacher this year at my school, fresh out of college. she has awesome ideas and has been a great addition to our "team." she approached me last week and let me know that she got some movies (we still use VHS!)  from her church. they were all fairy tales, which we had been studying for most of september. i went over on wednesday and asked her if i could grab "the lion and the mouse" to show my kids before dismissal time. i walked back to my classroom, picked up the kids from Art class...and was about to put the movie on when i flipped it over to read the back. this is what i saw:

i decided it would be best that i not show this one, as i never heard of the fairy tale THE ASS AND THE STICK. i put a yellow post it on it that said..."ummmm....???? wonder what the third story is about, sounds very interesting." i sent it back over to her via student. i saw her shortly after dismissal and raised my eyebrows at her... and she immediately started losing her shit laughing and was like, "I DIDN'T KNOW!? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS ON THERE! I DIDN'T LOOK AT IT BEFORE I GAVE IT TO YOU!" (still laughing and kinda embarrassed.) she then added..."i really think it's about a donkey and a stick, right?" i replied, "yes, i don't believe that there is a fairy tale about a stick up someone's ass...at least i didn't learn about that one in elementary school." funny stuff. 

"the human race has only one effective weapon, and that is laughter." -mark twain

off

alright, so um...today i decided to take the day off of work, to get done the 238 things on my "to do" list. i also decided to take the kids to the sitter (something i never do when i am off), so that i could knock out as much of the list as i could. warren left for work around 6:30am. the rest of us were up about 7am. i gave ella breakfast. (grapes and yogurt...not chips.) i fed carrie, dressed them both and we were out the door by 8am. i looked like a hot mess when i dropped the kids off...penn state hoodie, sweatpants, flip flops, glasses on, hair all over my head. (miss kaykay the sitter was staring.) i decided to come back home, get a shower and get crack a lackin on my list...and then i saw my bed. my empty bed, in a quiet house...and i thought, "what the hell! i'll just lay down for 20 minutes before i get a shower...no harm in that!" well...needless to say, i laid down and woke up....THREE HOURS LATER!! (shiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttt.) i thought the clock was broken, then i looked at my phone...it was almost noon and i all i could do was laugh. i cannot remember the last time i slept for 3 consecutive hours...let alone for a nap. i guess i should've set an alarm...or 5, because i'm pretty sure a circus could've set up in my bedroom and i wouldn't have woken up. i guess my weekend, and my life...caught up to me.

in an attempt to try to rectify the situation...i ran to the grocery store. (one thing on the list.) i talked to fen, who laughed her head off and she then she said, 'give it up...your day is over.' (yeah...i know.) so this afternoon i blasted country music, poured a glass of wine, and i decided to make...(oven ready) "homemade" lasagna and (boxed) "homemade" brownies. i also sprayed some febreeze around so that it smells like i cleaned. (another thing on the list)

i crossed 2 things out of 238 on my to do list today. the house smells like food and febreeze...butch'll never know i took an accidental 3 hour nap. i won't tell if you don't.

day off to get stuff done...epic fail. (whoopsa. daisy.)

bastard

so last night was my 100th night in a row of interrupted sleep. (yes, interrupted.) i knew that i wanted to include how long it's been since i've slept soundly in this post, so i googled it...and it was exactly 100 nights. (weird.) anyway, 100 nights since the unicorn has graced us with her presence...i have to say, though, that i am on the brink of losing my mind, waking up in the middle of the night (every night) for a feeding. when i lay my head down on the pillow in the evening, i know damn well that in a few hours she will be squawking. now let me say, she is only getting up 1-2 times in a night (from 7pm-6am)...but lord have mercy it's still a pain in the ass. i am solely responsible for this duty, and i guess i've taken it on for many reasons.

obviously, when carrie was first born and a couple months after, butch couldn't help out with this task...because he lacked breasts. now that i'm done with the breastfeeding business, i've adopted this duty afterwards for a few reasons. when we tried to make it a shared effort and it was "his turn" there was no sense of urgency to his movement in the middle of the night. first of all, he wouldn't hear her wake up...so i would hear her, then wake him up. then, he would get up, put on shorts, take a piss, scratch his ass, get a drink, make his side of the bed, feed the dog, check his email....and then go feed her. alright, i'm exaggerating, but it was a long, drawn out affair. by that point, she was screaming her head off and i was awake anyway...defeating the whole purpose of "his turn." when i asked him why it took so long to get to her he said, "jesus, trish! i'm just waking up out of a dead sleep...i need some time!" (men. uh, ok...i'll just do it.) and so i've done it...every night for 100 nights. (well, 99 actually, because i was away for one night in PA.) recently butch said, "if i was the only one responsible for waking up with a kid every night to feed it, it would be one skinny little bastard." (i can't make this shit up.)

so anyway, truth be told...i'm tired. tired as hell. all the time. however, i do think your body gets used to not ever getting a full nights rest, so you run on auto pilot most of the time. i will say, though, that if i don't have my morning coffee...i feel like i can't function. my motor skills just. don't. work. thank the lord for god's sweet brown caffeine nectar. i wish i could pump that shit straight into my veins in the morning. (i know i'm not the only one...so don't judge me, people.) anyway, after my cuppa joe on the way to work i start to feel semi-human...enough to be a productive member of society at least. i usually hit a slump around 2pm, when i charge up with a diet coke...and then plow through until about 9pm. yes, by 9pm i am usually crawling into bed, ready to fall asleep (and wake up in the middle of the night) and do it all again. i know that technically i signed up with this by having kids in the first place and i know it won't be like this for long, but it still sucks! when people say, "believe me...you will miss this!" i want to punch them in the jugular.

however, maybe i will miss this?...motherhood is like that, it blindsides you with stupid emotional feelings that don't make sense half of the time. i wake up (if you can even say that) most mornings feeling like an axe murderer, but then ella will smile and tell me she loves me and just like that... i'm back in the game. carrie giggled yesterday morning for the first time, and i realized again what an awesome adventure motherhood is. it truly the little things. also, thank god these little people are so darn cute. the big guy in the sky surely did that on purpose, he knew what the hell he was doing. this all being said, i will not miss the lack of sleep tonight...my friend fen and i are heading to the beach for the day and evening. (one of my most favorite places.) butch is leaving next weekend (all weekend) for a bachelor party, (if you haven't read bachelor, you should.) and i decided that a night away is well deserved, and much needed. i got a text at 7:30am from fen that stated, "omg i just backed over chris's mailbox." (excellent.) chris is her boyfriend. butch then got a text from chris an hour later that said, "guess who backed over my mailbox?"he included this picture:

fen was supposed to drive to the beach. needless to say, i'm pretty sure it's safer if i take the wheel. we leave today around noon and i can't. friggen. wait. i was feeding carrie upstairs before i came downstairs this morning, and i walked into the living room to see ella watching cartoons and eating a massive bowl of CHIPS for breakfast. i said, "who gave you chips for breakfast!?" she smirked and said, "um, daddy did." (he heard me and was laughing his ass off in the kitchen.) while making coffee, he then said, "i really hope you enjoy your vacation!"(sarcasm is the language of love in our household.) i said, "oh, i will. and it's one night, so just relax." he then said, "men are not cut out for this shit trish! men are not born and bred to take care of children...you don't need to go away to know that i appreciate you. i'll tell you everyday that i appreciate everything i do, if you don't go away like this!" (omg. easy drama queen.) so, i'm ready to hit the road for the second night out of 100 nights...to actually have some time for myself. i'm pumped. (butch, not so much.) if it means my oldest eats chips for breakfast, then so be it. however...i do hope that carrie is not a skinny little bastard when i get home.

lifetime

so i'm at home today with two sick kids. luckily, they aren't really that unpleasant. basically, they just are congested and didn't sleep well last night. carrie is snorting like a piglet, and ella has a faucet for a nose. last night when i laid them both down to bed at 8pm, i had no idea what the night would entail. at about 8:30pm, i heard ella crying and went in to see what was wrong. apparently she had post nasal drip and coupled with the crying...she proceeded to throw up on me. (a direct shot that went down my cleavage...joy.) there is nothing more humbling than another human being throwing up on you, even if it is your own kid. butch ran up the steps when he heard the crying and found us both in the bathroom covered in vomit. startled he said loudly, "what happened!?" i bit my tongue, but wanted to say..."we did not just get back from a gal pal date at the local watering hole, pal...your kid is sick."we cleaned up and then i put her in our bed and laid down with her...just as carrie started crying in the monitor. at that moment, i had the thought, "i quit." you know those lifetime movies where the mother runs off into the sunset and leaves behind her husband and beautiful children and everyone says, "but she loved her kids...she would never do something like that!" yeah, i love my kids too...but my neighbor's motorcycle was looking good at that moment, and so was the sunset.

at one point, i think around midnight (i had lost all sense of time by that point), we decided it would be best if we would divide and conquer...butch kept ella in our bed and i went over to sleep on the futon that was in carrie's room with her.  i really don't know how single mothers and fathers do this shit by themselves. i bust butch's chops (a lot), but he really does help when needed. i could hear ella sporadically throughout the night crying and carrie was doing the same in her room. (poor gals.) i woke up between crying jags and stumbled to the bathroom...only to discover that my monthly friend had arrived. (sweet baby jesus...could this night get any worse?!) i like when people say "god has a sense of humor"...because last night i'm pretty sure he was laughing his ass off. as i was digging under the sink for feminine hygiene products (i found what i needed, but if i didn't...lord knows i'd be set with maxi pads from the latest couponing adventure) i heard ella whimpering, "mommy! lay! me!"...so i ended up back in our bed and woke butch to go lay over with the piglet. (stuff they never tell you in the parenting books...a game of musical beds is totally normal in the middle of the night.)

at 5:30 i heard the alarms go off...and i seriously contemplated offing myself. in fact, i texted my coworkers and told them that i had been up all night and i was calling the substitute, but i would be there later for back to school night. i also told them that i was thinking of offing myself...they both thought that was hilarious. i was thinking...laugh away you chipper chickens (i'm the old hen, at age 30), someday you'll understand my pain when you have kids of your own. there was no way i could go into school and teach a gaggle of five year olds. my speech was slurred and i couldn't even speak in full sentences. kids of that age can smell weakness, they would've had me tied up with yarn and covered me in elmers glue by the end of the day. meanwhile, ella was sitting next to me in bed saying, "mommy! downstairs! georgie!" (ie/ mommy lets go downstairs and watch curious george) i said, "ella, mommy needs a minute to wake up and then we will go downstairs." (ie/ if i have to stare at that dumb monkey this early in the morning, the tv might not make it out alive.) she climbed over me, smashing my nose (and left breast) in the process, grabbed my glasses and put them on my face (crooked)...then said, "ok! now! go!"laughing her head off. (i was not laughing...but you probably are.)

butch left for work, looking like he wanted to kill someone...and i headed downstairs. (let the games begin.) i put on 'georgie' for ella, plopped the unicorn in the bouncy seat and walked into the half bath...and what to my wandering eyes should appear amongst the decorative candles?

turns out he could not help himself this sunday. apparently, he had to get the polident. (the FREE polident used for super denture hold) at no point prior to this did he let me know he got it, and i don't often use the downstairs bathroom, so i didn't see it before walking in there this morning. as you can see, the maxi pads from his previous weeks excursion are still up there on the shelf. alas, there are only 3 jumbo packs left...he gave two away to a friend of ours when she came over for college football on saturday. (i am not joking...she took them home packed in her kids' diaper bag.) so here i sit with my morning coffee, typing away...out the window i can see my neighbor's Harley glistening in the sun. it is looking better and better every day. lifetime movie storyline in the making...stay tuned.

alone

i went to PA this weekend for a friend's 30th birthday party. i went to PA...solo, alone, by myself, and i had a hard time even containing my excitement on saturday morning. i was actually so pumped, that i almost felt like throwing up. (not even joking.) the whole thought, though, also made me feel a little weird inside. i totally forgot what it's like to travel or go anywhere without a child hanging off of my leg, one in my arm, a dog in the backseat, and a husband staring at me. also, our SUV is usually JAM PACKED with shit...strollers, pack-n-plays, bouncy seats, feeding chairs, diapers, wipes, binkies, blankies...the list goes on. (forever.) and i'm not talking we need all this shit for a week long trip...i'm talking a one or two night weekend stay. it's ridiculous. sometime soon we are going to have to get one of those rad turtles that you strap to the roof of your car so that you have extra storage for travel. (can't wait for that day.) anyway, yesterday i took one small bag packed with clothes to go out in, a t-shirt to sleep in, and an outfit for the next day. i threw that sucker over my shoulder and hopped out the door without a care in the world.

alright, so i lie. i did have a care in the world...i knew that i was going to miss my kids. (a lot.) i was going to miss being away from them for just one night. (bat shit crazy i tell you.) in fact, in the car on the way up there, the friend i was carpooling with and i only really talked about our kids. what our 2 and a half hour conversation boiled down to was....that we love our kids unconditionally, but goddamnit they are a lot of work. the time and energy that it takes to care for these offspring is unreal. and i don't really know what i did with all of my time before having children. i often think what exactly did i do with all of my spare time!? i got home yesterday and hung out with my parents, got a pedicure with my mom, took a leisurely nap, showered, and got ready to go out. all the while not worrying about anybody but myself. (it. was. glorious.) if you are reading this and you don't have children, let me tell you to savor each moment you have to yourself before you choose to procreate...because once you bear offspring, you can't even take a shit without someone banging down the goddamn door. (if you are reading this and you have children, you know exactly what i'm talking about.)

so after getting ready, i went out to dinner with my parents and one of my brothers. i forgot how peaceful it is to go out to eat without a toddler flinging spaghetti at your head. we could actually talk to each other! (imagine that.) we finished up, headed to the bar and i had one goal in mind at this point. (get. hammered.) i haven't had this goal in mind in forever, but let's call a spade a spade...i wanted to get hopped up and make some bad decisions. i wanted to forget that i was a mother for a hot minute. i wanted to forget my name for a night and act like a fool. let's just say that i met the goal and far exceeded my own expectations. (acting like a fool included.) i had such a great time with such great people. these people make me laugh...and i'm pretty sure that i make them laugh as well. (or at least i did last night when i gracefully spilled my drink all over the bar accidentally and then begged the bartender not to 'yell' at me.) i also fell asleep facedown and was escorted out to the car (by my mother) who then locked me in there to sleep in the parking lot until they were ready to leave. (classy.) i was home for a friend's 30th birthday party, but i'm pretty sure that i thought it was my birthday. i rode the hot mess express...and i did it well.

alright...so i forgot what it's like to travel with only a duffel bag, i forgot what it's like to have lotsa spare time, i forgot what it's like to go to dinner without a toddler, and i forgot what it's like to get sauced up and act like a fool. i also forgot what it's like to have a hangover. (holy shit.) i woke up dressed in a backwards shirt, no pants, my dangly earrings from the night before...and my head. was. throbbing. my body is programmed to wake up at 6am, so there i was laying there at that time, awake...talking to jesus and asking him to end the pain. i felt like total ass. apparently i didn't have the motor skills to take out my contacts, so my eyes were pasted shut and my mouth tasted like an ashtray. (i allegedly smoked a few cigarettes, and i don't smoke. ever.) i also didn't remember a good portion of the evening, so i had that scared/awkward feeling that you get when you aren't sure how much of an idiot you acted like the night before. i stumbled out into the kitchen a few hours later and tried to get myself together. i was just getting my bearings straight when i got a text from butch. it included this picture:

the message said, "i got free pads and they paid me a dollar for the razor." yes, those are maxi pads. 5 bags of maxi pads. 5 bags of free maxi pads...and i don't use maxi pads. actually, i don't think i've used maxi pads since i was about 13 years old. i let him know this in a text back, and he stated, "maybe we can sell them on craigslist! they were free!" (jesus.) i was just getting over laughing at the first text when he sent another one stating that he could've gotten free polident, but he thought i would oppose. yes, polident....for dentures. (ohmygod.) so here i am severely hungover having a serious conversation about free maxipads and polident with my husband on a sunday morning. back to life...back to reality for this girl. afterwards, i walked out on the back porch and sat down in the sun, enjoying my last moments of quiet before the ride back to my circus of a real life.

and so, here i sit back in maryland, writing about my enjoyable alone time in pennsylvania. carrie is smiling at me from the bouncy seat, ella is dumping goldfish crackers on the floor and smashing them into the carpet, butch is scratching his balls in his underwear, mickey mouse is serenading us from the tv...and i'm actually (seriously) happy to be home. since walking in the door, i did two loads of laundry, made dinner, bathed the kids, packed the bags for the sitter tomorrow...and put away five bags of maxi pads that i will never use. life. is. good.

daddy

butch spent the week with the kids because i started work a whole week earlier. let the games begin.

day 1
i arrived home from work and there was pulled pork in the crock pot for dinner. he was whistling a tune at the sink with a beer in his hand...and proceeded to tell me how easy his day was. carrie slept a lot, ella played and was tantrum free and mostly pleasant all day. he rambled on about how it was "easy" to be a stay at home dad and he thought about doing it full time. he also mentioned that he could add a few kids to his daddy day care and make some extra money. i gave him a mental pat on the back as i chewed my pork sandwich...all the while thinking, there is no way easy street is going to continue all week. (no way in hell, pal.) sidebar, ella was still dressed in her pajamas from the night before.

day 2
i got a text message about 11am that stated that carrie had already had 2 bottles by this time and had not slept at all the entire morning. ("is she going to sleep...EVER?" was the exact text.) by 1pm, another text stated that ella had been complaining that her ear hurt, she refused to eat lunch, and did not want to go down for a nap. he was on attempt number 3 to get her to bed when his frustration boiled over and he texted me. he also stated that he did not get a shower yesterday, so he was going on day number two without a shower and he felt "disgusting."(i'm sure other moms can laugh at this, as washing yourself becomes a minor detail when you have little ones.) when i got home at 3:30, there were dishes all over the kitchen, toys all over the house, and nothing in the crockpot. butch told me he needed to get out of the house and proceeded to let me know he was going to barnes and noble. (???) let me fill you in on something...the kid doesn't read books. (ever.) as long as i've known him he hasn't read one book. (i didn't want to fire him up at this point, he looked awful..so i just shook my head. meanwhile, i had just worked for 9 hours and was tired as hell.) he left. i made dinner and picked up the house. about 2 hours later he walked in the door with a case of octoberfest. (left for books, came back with beer...well done sir.) after dinner, i told him that ella had a fever, and probably an ear infection. i asked him if he could take her to the doctor tomorrow. ("by myself!? with both of them? jesus god." was the answer.). another sidebar, same as the day before...when i got home, ella was still dressed in her pajamas from the night before.

day 3
i must mention that nobody but carrie slept the during the night. (she's a newborn, so that makes total sense, right?! not.) ella had a raging fever all night, and therefore did not sleep hardly at all. when a toddler is not sleeping, either are the parents. she was in our bed with us moaning and crying. (poor thing.) i've said it before and i'll say it again...sick kids are the absolute worst. we could not get her fever down, so she was boiling hot...but wanted to be snuggled. (it was like cuddling with a turkey straight out of the oven. cozy.) at about 2:50am, she finally fell asleep...and then carrie woke up to eat. (sweet mary mother of god.) at that point, i accepted that i was going to feel like a piece of shit the next day...sometimes it's just better to accept it, than fool yourself. ella was all over the place the rest of the night, crying hysterically because she didn't feel good or kicking me in the lady parts. finally at around 6am, i got out of bed, fed carrie again and was getting ready for work. (my sights were set on a really productive day at that point...) butch got up with ella (and looked like a serial killer) and i told him i would let him know what time i could get her in at the doctor. as i walked out the door, ella started screaming on the top of her lungs..."mommmmmmyyyyyy". i stopped at dunkin donuts, called the doctor from the car...and contemplated veering off into oncoming traffic several times. i was having trouble making full sentences at that point, so i texted butch and told him ella's appointment was at 9:45am. around 11am, i got a phone call and i was in a meeting (trying not to fall asleep). i walked out into the hallway to answer. he let me know that it was not an ear infection...she has hand/foot and mouth disease. for those of you that don't know what this gem of a summer sickness is...your kid gets a raging fever, sores on their hands, feet, and/or in their mouths...and severe crankiness. the best part about this whole "disease" is that they give you no antibiotics for it. you just have to watch your kid suffer and "let it run it's course."(it's about as fun as it sounds.) at around 2pm, i hit a wall and could no longer be around other people. (i was about to go ape shit...as my dad would say, everyone was "talking stupid.") so i snuck out the back door and headed home an hour early. as i walked in the door at 2:30ish...butch was passed out on the couch, carrie was sleeping in the swing, and ella was asleep in her crib. i hopped into bed and hoped for 20 minutes of sleep. just as i closed my eyes...ella started crying. (mother. f'er.) later we were making dinner and butch decided to grill a london broil. after prepping the meat, he walked outside. two minutes later he walked back in, slammed the slab of meat on the counter and said, "goddamnit we are out of propane!!!!!" (serenity now.) he left the room and came back with a half empty cheap bottle of rum that must've been left over from a party we had in the past. the kid doesn't drink rum. (ever.) he made himself a drink. (um...okay?) i made a frozen bagged noodle and shrimp concoction he got with a coupon instead. ella is now in bed...for now. as i was typing this, carrie projectile vomited milk all over the place. (she has never done that in her 10 weeks of life. ever.) and sidebar, when i got ella out of her crib from her nap, she was dressed only in a diaper. (at least she was out of her pajamas from the night before.)

day 4
ella woke up (only) once the night before and stated, "medicine please, mommy."(is that normal for 2 year olds to ask for that?) i already had an squirty syringe ready for her on my night stand for this purpose...as i sat down on our bed and prepared to give it to her, i fumbled and squirted the red liquid all over the wall adjacent to our bed. (holy crap.) i gasped. ella yelled, "UH OH! OH NO!" really loud...which startled kung fu panda laying next to us. he sprung out of bed and said, "what is going on!? (really confused) and why is there advil all over the wall??" while laughing, i told him i accidentally squirted it and asked him if he could go downstairs and get some more. (he didn't think it was very funny.) he stumbled downstairs. ella went back to bed shortly after i (properly) administered the medicine, and she was still sleeping when i left in the morning. (praise jesus.) at about 10am, i texted mr. mom and asked him how ella was feeling. he said she had no fever and was happy as a clam. an hour later i got a text that said, "i'm baking cookies!!"...so it was back to the suzy homemaker routine from monday. (and no worries, the cookies were the tollhouse break apart ones that are all ready to go in the oven...he's not that domestic.) i didn't hear anything the rest of the day. (no news is good news.) i walked in about 3:30pm and it was smiles all around. butch left to go fill up the propane that we expired the night before...and i must've looked a little rough, because he stopped at the liquor store on his way home and bought me wine...a whole box. sidebar, we skyped with my parents around 5pm and they asked why ella was already in her pajamas...(you guessed it!), they were the same pajamas from the night before. i must also state that when i took her diaper off to put her in the tub, there was a penny in there. i asked her how it got there and she just smiled and squawked, "monnnnneeyyyy!!" (awesome.)

day 5
we started the day with dual doctor appointments that i had made months ago. (a 2 year physical and a 2 month checkup..including shots for all) i had forgotten i made the appointments and had to let my principal know that i would be in late...i thought it was wise to not to send butch by himself at this point in the week. (his next stop after the doctor appointments would've been to a lawyer...to get divorce papers.) so we all went to the doctors at 8am. dual doctor appointments sound good in theory (bang them both out in one trip)...but it actuality, it was equivalent to a brain aneurysm. ella is still getting over the hand, foot, mouth business, so really didn't want someone poking and proding her. (they held off giving her shots because of her recent sickness...thank god) carrie was her normal happy self, but needed to get three shots. butch decided to take ella back into the waiting room while carrie got her pricked. when he went out into the hallway, he left the door open. i overheard the doctor (a woman) talking to the nurse (another woman), saying they better give carrie some tylenol before her shots because "mom (me) was going back to work and dad (butch) was going to be left home with ella who was just getting over being sick and carrie who was getting immunized (which can make kids fussy)"...and then they both started losing their shit laughing at this thought. (and then i started laughing) women really do have it out for men sometimes. (whoops.) anyway, i dropped all three of them off after the appointments and headed to work. (god speed daddy man.) i didn't hear anything all day and i was hoping i didn't. i texted my uncle (who lives nearby) and asked him if he could take the kids for 2 hours so butch and i could go out for a few drinks and dinner alone. i had had it with work at this point and he had had it with his mr. mom routine. we both needed a break....or a mental ward. thankfully my aunt and uncle said they could keep the kids and we dropped them off before heading downtown. as we were drinking painkillers (real name of the drink...and totally appropriate at this point in the week) down by the water, we didn't say too much to each other. we quietly sipped our drinks, listened to the music, stared at the waterview...much better than checking ourselves into the psych ward and having a nurse tighten our matching straight jackets.

this is a week that i wish i could've pushed the fast forward button and zoomed through it. i do know one thing...if you lose your sense of humor through these types of weeks, you would be lost. (or lose your ever loving mind) butch is now (very) ready to head back to work, and next week i will deal with the fun of getting both girls up and to the sitter at 6:30 in the morning. (a whole new bag of tricks, i'm sure) butch did a great job as stay at home dad, but i truly hope when i pick up ella after work from the sitter next week...she is at least out of her pajamas from the night before.

work

so i've been off for 11 whole weeks...and i go back to work tomorrow. (i just threw up in my mouth a little bit upon writing that.) the thing is, i enjoy what i do...love it actually, but work still blows. i don't think anyone gets up out of bed in the morning and proclaims, "YIPPEE!! WORK!!"...and if someone actually does do that, i want to find that person and karate chop them in the throat.  it is nice, however, after a long summer to become a productive member of society again. i am not saying that being a mother isn't a full time job, because it absolutely is...and i do give stay at home mom's all the credit in the world, because i would go bat shit crazy if i did that all the time. however, that being said, i am emotional train wreck about leaving my kids. ella looked at me this morning and said, 'wuv yous mommy'...and i bust into tears. carrie smiled at me after a feeding this afternoon and i almost regurgitated my lunch on her due to my pending return to the workforce. (being a woman is awesome.) your kids can make you absolutely nuts, but you love them unconditionally to the point of exhaustion.

for the sake of my marriage, it's probably good that i'm going back to work though...because butch and i are in full time fightmode. if he breathes the wrong way, i'm ready to smack him in the lungs. if i look at him the wrong way, he is ready to poke me in the eyeball. (no joke.) we've had a lotta fun this summer with each other, and with the kids...but good riddance, enough family time already. eleven full weeks of family only time is enough to make anyone nuts. this morning he went out to get the papers (get the papers) for his coupons, which he hasn't done in about 4 weeks (not sure why he was on the hiatus...too busy scratching his balls, i suppose) he then walked into the bedroom and exclaimed, "GOT THE PAPERS....I'M BACK BABY!!"(meaning his annoying coupon addiction is "back"...joy.) he spent the entire morning clipping and prepping for his grocery adventures today, i can't wait to see all the crap he comes home with. he asked me a slew of random questions like, "do you need contact solution? can you use dye free laundry detergent? can carrie wear huggies?"..the list goes on and on. he ended with..."if i get six bottles of comet for free...will you use it to clean?" (jesus, yes warren.) he just skipped out the door and sing songed, "wish me luuuuuckkk!" (i flipped him off after he left.)

so tomorrow i trade in my gym shorts and tank tops for teacher clothes...and my afternoon naps for adult conversations. i start a full week earlier than butch, so he will spend the entire week with both kids at home...i expect no less than 23 stories and 14 phone calls about his mr. mom routine. i know that he will be FULLY ready to go back to work the following monday after he plays stay at home dad for a week. (he was ready to go back weeks ago, so this'll really take him over the edge...) i look forward to meeting the next batch of children that enter my classroom...and embracing all the craziness that goes along with them. i'm sad leaving my own children, but know they are in good hands while i'm at work. i look forward to teaching again...however, if one of my coworkers exclaims, "YIPPEEE!!! WORRKK!" when i walk into the building tomorrow...they are getting an instant karate chop to the throat.